Being non-judgmental
There is a tendency these days to make a quick assessment of things based on a first impression and past experiences with people or situations. Though the phrase “you never have a second chance to make a good first impression” may be all right for hair salons and fashion boutiques, our impressions and beliefs of people and situations in the real world of our lives should never be limited to a moment or two. There is much more to the complex world of people than the shallow layers seen at a first meeting. It takes time, respect, and a certain level of trust in order to form the intimacy of a relationship in which the layers are peeled away and the true personality of another is revealed. This is nor psychotherapy I speak of but a relationship between friends that develops slowly over time.
As children, we were admonished to “never judge a book by its cover”, in other words, you cannot tell what is within simply by looking at the outside. If that is true of books, how much more valid must this saying be about people. In society and in the workplace, we are expected to behave in a certain manner, to be polite, courteous, and refrain from burdening those in our business or social circle with too much information about how things really are in our personal world.
When a coworker is in the middle of a very painful and messy divorce, for example, we may ask how things are going, but we really do not want to hear all the details. It makes us uncomfortable to be drawn into the situation by hearing the confidential details of someone’s personal tragedy and painful loss, especially when there is nothing we, as coworkers, can do to alleviate the problem. There are many reasons for things to happen they way they do and many of those reasons are deep and complex, perhaps even encompassing previous relationships and childhood traumas, not to mention the further complications of past lives and karmic implications. We cannot and should not feel that we can see all the whys and wherefores of a situation even when we are fully engulfed in it, especially if we are the central figures. It is indeed possible to “not see the forest for the trees” when the forest is our own life and the trees are all the many people, situations, and complications that make up our world.
I have always played “devil’s advocate” with my children, something that tends to drive them crazy still, but my purpose has always been to show them that in any situation there is always another side. That other side always consists of a person who has a different perspective, different experiences, and a unique belief system from which to form their opinions and conclusions. Just because it is different than yours does not make in inaccurate or incorrect.
I have always been able to see the other point of view, recognize the validity, and respect the right of the other individual to have that belief. That doesn’t mean that I condone all behaviors, just that, in most cases, I can see a different point of view.
In order for there to be peace in any situation, empathy, that ability to see the other person’s point of view, is necessary. You must be able to put yourself in their shoes, psychologically, in order to have some kind of an understanding of their thinking.
In the arena of world peace, I feel that empathy is not used nearly enough. Americans have an ego about the way we live and how our country operates that shuts down logical thinking at times and turns citizens into “The Ugly American”. Those who have not seen this Marlon Brando film or read the novel on which it is based would learn much by doing so. It tells of an obnoxious American traveling abroad who expects everyone to speak English, no matter what country, and to have his favorite American amenities available. He ridicules their customs and languages, insults the local cuisine, architecture, and music, and treats the native citizenry with disdain and rudeness. In short, he is much like many of our citizens today. And we wonder why there are demonstrations against our country and our government abroad. They are judging a whole country based on the words and actions of a few.
My wish is that all people, regardless of where they live, what religion they practice (if any) and what political beliefs they espouse, spend time to look at the circumstances surrounding a situation or person when judging behavior or words. Try to spend a moment in the other person's shoes to feel what he feels and perhaps discover a different point of view. God has given us free will. It is our responsibility to recognize the right of others to exercise that free will when it does not harm another and to defend that right when needed.
It is also our responsibility to encourage friends, relatives, and coworkers to refrain from making snap judgments about a person or situation based on outward appearances. Let us strive to look within, to use empathy and compassion for others in our dealings with every person and situation we encounter in life.
