Taking Responsibility
There is a tendency these days to place the blame for everything that befalls us in life onto someone else. “My family was dysfunctional so I never learned how to express love.” “My dad always hit my mom and us kids when he had a hard day so that’s what I do, too.” The teachers in my schools were too busy to spend individual time with me so I never learned to read right or do math past addition and subtraction.” “The kids always picked on me at school, that’s why I have so little confidence in myself.” I was forced to join the neighborhood gang to keep peace and was framed for a robbery planned by someone else.” “The police always look for my kind when a crime has been committed so why fight it?” “I learned to hide in a bottle of booze by watching my mother drink her life away. It’s genetic; I can’t help it.” The whites have kept the blacks enslaved in this country for generations. They owe us.” “I can’t go to the college of my choice because those blasted minorities have taken all the spaces available. It’s not my fault!”
No matter what the situation, drugs, crime, alcoholism, domestic abuse, obesity, prejudice, or self-esteem issues, it’s always easier to blame someone else rather than take responsibility for creating the problem and making the commitment to turn it around. There are countless thousands of people wasting the opportunities right in front of them to improve their lives because they are stuck in the pattern of being the victim of life and blaming others for their misfortune. There are situations in which injustice, pain, and suffering are directed to one person by another. Stuff happens, bad as well as good. We have all been berated, punished unfairly, ridiculed, humiliated and embarrassed, and most of us have had the unfortunate experience of being pushed aside and our dream (at the moment) handed to someone else, usually our rival. Again, stuff happens.
When these situations arise, there are two choices that can be made, as in life there are always two choices. The first choice is to buy into the illusion that another person has control over your life and has the power to affect your negatively without your permission. Parents, teachers, neighbors, bullies, bosses, co-workers, etc. have only the power that you give them.
When we are young, we, by necessity, give our parents an extraordinary amount of power to ensure they keep us safe and well until the time that we can assume those responsibilities for ourselves. We give teachers and educators a large portion of power over us for a time because we realize the value of the knowledge and wisdom they can share with us. The more we know, the easier it is to travel life’s many highways. We give law enforcement officials certain powers to help them fulfill their duties of maintaining public safety, not just for us, but for everyone. We permit these people to have specific power over us for our ultimate well-being. We allow this to happen for our good.
Other people try to make us believe that we have no choice but to allow them to control and manipulate us. Remember the bully that caused you such grief when you were just a kid? I think everyone knows at least one of these pitiful people who only feel powerful in their own lives when they are wreaking havoc and causing pain to another. You can find bullies in any aspect of adult life, too. Bosses, spouses, family members, religious leaders, even our own children can be bullies that we must contend with in our adult lives. These people, however, are given power willingly by us, but through fear, not love. These people impact our lives, emotions, and even our spiritual growth in negative ways that do not serve our life goal of connecting with the Divine Light of Divinity within us and sharing that spark with others.
Negative effects of bullies can be carried for a lifetime in emotional and psychological scars that affect our ability to see clearly the truth of who we really are, wonderfully powerful and evolved spiritual beings and co-creators of our lives. Bullies affect the ability to believe in our capabilities and talents, cause us to question our intelligence and our place in the world, and attempt to have us believe their truth and illusion of the world above our personal truth that resonates within our hearts. They can cause us to question our very existence in the earth plane and can delay or prevent our conscious memory of our true identity from coming to light.
What has this all to do with the subject of taking responsibility? Thank you for asking. Taking responsibility for your life means that you are no longer content with the label of “victim” and refuse to allow another person to have the power and control to negatively affect your life. Taking responsibility requires discernment in what you accept as truth. When another person ventures an opinion about you or something that is meaningful to you, do not immediately take it to heart. This applies whether or not the message is positive or negative. Consider the message for a while first. Let the words or attitude or energy of the words reside within for a moment before deciding to accept or reject the information. If my heart resonates, I get goose bumps, or I can feel the energy move over or through me, then I know this is truth for me that has presented through another person. When you are ridiculed or insulted by another, take a moment and silently instruct your mind and spirit to disregard the message. Know that you are a talented and able co-creator with God/Goddess/All That Is and refuse to allow the hurtful words, actions, and attitudes to stay with you. Energize them with white light in your mind and see them dispersed harmlessly into the universe.
Taking responsibility for yourself also means that you accept that all that happens in your life is your own scripted creation designed by you before your birth in order to clear karma, heal past hurts, and achieve wisdom in order to grow and develop your soul. The very bully who tortured you in elementary school might have been the business partner in a previous life who suffered your harsh words and judgments and who agreed to exchange places with you in this life to give you the experience of receiving the hurt rather than inflicting it.
The spouse that physically abuses you in this lifetime might have been the woman down the street in a previous life for whom you had little sympathy even though you witnessed the aftermath of her beatings daily. In this lifetime, you chose to experience domestic abuse from a different standpoint. If this is so, does it mean that you should submit to the situation and continue to “take it” rather than find a way out? Absolutely not! You may have chosen to experience the victim role for a reason; you do not have to live with it once you realize it. Perhaps in this lifetime you will choose to be the champion of the battered spouse and will help many women, and men, find the courage and support to leave the situation and live without fear.
You may be in a racial/religious/social group that has been the recipient of persecution and prejudice. You may have been the victim of hate crimes and unjustly kept from living your life as you wish. You have the power to change that whenever you wish. You can decide at any moment to end living as a victim and begin living the joyful, love filled and abundant life that the Creator intends for you.
The first task is to forgive any perceived injustice against you, no matter how bad it feels to you or how long you have endured it. If your forefathers were brought to this country against their will and forced to be servants to others, forgive the masters. Know that in the world of karma and soul experience, they have experienced the slave role as well. Forgive the one who has cruelly used your body and marred your spirit. Know that karmically the perpetrator will experience that which he or she has inflicted upon you, whether or not you are the deliverer of that retribution.
If you have been injured wrongly in an accident or work situation, forgive and let it go from your heart and soul. The longer you hold on to the anger and the pain, the longer you hold the negative aspects of the incident and the longer it takes you to recognize the experience as orchestrated by you for your greater growth and higher good.
There are no victims in life. No one can hurt us without our precise permission. We may have given that permission before our birth into the earth plane for a reason. We may be giving someone we love greatly the experience of being the abuser this time in order to help him with his soul growth. We have all been many different people and played many different roles in the playhouse/schoolhouse called earth. We have been male and female, tall and short, fat and thin, wise and foolish, nurturing and abusive, compassionate and apathetic, as needed for our role at the time.
No matter what the role or the circumstance, we have learned valuable lessons and had many varied experiences that assist us in the soul growth and development that is our main purpose for being on planet Earth. We are gatherers of information, emotions, and experiences. We carry these things back to the Creator, for we are all a part of God as God is part of us. There is a plan in everything that happens and we are the ones who have concocted the plan.
Remember this the next time you start to place the blame for a situation in your life and ask yourself instead, “Why did I orchestrate this event? What is it that I need to learn or gain from this opportunity?”
By closely examining each of these trying and exasperating situations in which you find yourself and asking questions that will help you access your Higher Self for answers, you will find the wisdom of it. This wisdom will help you release the situation and to reap the knowledge gained from the experience that you have chosen for yourself.
Although I used negative experiences in explanation, this also refers to the positive events in your life. Weddings, births, promotions, and successes are also brought about by your free will. Focus on the effects of the positive experiences and you will find yourself having more and more of them. Look for the joy and the love in every day and every person you meet and you will soon find your life more filled with that love and joy.
Do not be content to be a victim, for you have the absolute power, the power of your free will given to you by the Creator, to change any event, any situation and every experience that you desire. Find the courage by knowing that you are the author of your life. Only you can write the next page or the next chapter. What will the future bring to you? Anything that you decide it will. Take responsibility for your life. Accept the reality of your part in all that happens to you, even the unpleasant things, and know that all your experiences bring you closer each and every day to your and my ultimate goal-the return Home to the loving embrace of God/Goddess/All That Is.
May the Divine Love of the Creator enfold you and the White Light of protection surround you in all that you choose and wherever you go in life. Blessings to you all.
